Sue Me...

I know i haven't written on here in forever.... and i feel bad. but its because this was just getting too much like my dairy where, if bad things happen, i dont want to keep remembering them by writing them down! SO this is only going to be happy things anddddddd

i have decided to make this my little baking blog! :) i really love to bake, as many of my Utah friends know, and many of my friends and family back home don't! so i am excited to share with you some things that i have been workin on and post some recipes that i love.

i wish i have been taking pictures of the things i bake... from now on i will! love you all!

A Great Big Fruit Salad of Melancholy...

This last... month i would say has been very hard for me. Im sure most of you don't care to read about my sappy life problems... but tonight i feel like opening up which happens about never.

I have been crying often, and when that happens i know that things that have been building up for the last few months are starting to hit me to the point that i can't hide them away anymore. I have actually learned alot about myself this summer being home, big revelations that i never realized about myself before... and thats good :).

i have learned that even though this might sound like self-praising, i do always try to please others (as shown by my low bank account sometimes) and with this i sometimes get hurt. sometimes i don't get to say how i truely feel, becuase im scared you will not like me, and sometimes i dont feel appreicated, and sometimes i pent up my feelings toward someone in order that they never feel bad and always remain happy. sometimes i don't want to share things becuase i don't want people to be sad that im sharing negative comments, and sometimes i just don't want others to see me cry for them. sometimes i get scared that people will make fun of me, and sometimes i dont want people to ever see that i feel anything less than normal.

it is very very hard for me to tell people what i feel... sure, i can tell them if the shirt they tried on is ugly or if i dont like their favorite song... but real deep things i can not even tell to my closest friends and allies. and its not like i just won't. its that i can't. i literally can't. i try and nothing comes out. my head is a constantly spinning slot machine that never lands on the winning sevens. my brain is spinning in this dark cloud that i can occasionally grab a memory or a feeling out of, like a tornado that won't stop spinning. if i wanted to tell someone how i feel about a problem between us... i feel like im trying to read my blurry thought off a chalk board 100 feet away. what is wrong with my head?

I cry for many people. i cry for my friends and family that i am upset with, sorry for, love and saddened for. thats the only way to get my confused feelings out. to cry. but i still couldn't put how i feel about u into a fully functioning sentence.

all i can say is... to all who i am crying for, i hope someday i can tell you all how i truely feel about you or the situation you are in.

im sorry that i never could.

Dear Miley Cyrus, why are you such a slut?

As i am sitting waiting for my delayed flight to leave for NYC (giddy!) i cannot help but stare at these haunting pictures of miley cyrus and her nastyness.

Dearest Miley,

remember when you used to write songs to your dead grandpa?

and sing about how you dress up in wigs and are someone else?

and wear things that covered.... some part of your body at least?

those days seem oh so long ago...

now your just a slutty little girl like the rest of them, posting sketch pics of yourself online and tromping around the stage with basically some little leather straps around your nips. oh miley... wwdd? what would disney do? not what your doing... did you lose your contract with them? cuz pretty soon hannah montana is going to be like the alexis texas show with some other innocent on it (yes i did have to look up names that rhyme with states).

as Chelsea Lately says "please pull yourself together and find some kapris, otherwise there is just one way you will turn out..."

I give you..... Lindsay Lohan.

One Classy Broad.

The Model

My little Bro... joy of joys, the love of my life...... if a freaking poser! Now, this kid is not just photogenic, he is OBSESSED with the camera. and he doesn't just smile, he poses. so as i was driving to pick up the other bro from school the other day, in my rear view mirror i can see that Trae has found a pair of my glasses and is posing for himself in my rear view mirror. so i take my iPhone and start taking blind point and shoots at him. now let me inform the 5 people that maybe read this... i am on vocal rest and so i gave him ABSOLUTELY NO GUIDANCE in this. this is a shoot all about Trae. love him! heres some pics from my little models shoot....

Some times the good things are shadowed by the bad...

So my life has been a rollercoaster ride since coming home emotionally. As many of you know, for the last almost 4 months i have been having vocal trouble that has just gotten continuously worse. I just found out last week that i have a vocal nodule. A nodule, for those of you that dont know, is basically a callous on one side of my vocal chords. This typically means the end for many singers, but for me, my vocal nodule is very small, so i hope i can recover fully. Nevertheless, this has been a very hard week for me, i am starting to feel that hope is lost. Singing for me is what brings me joy, its what i love to do, and its my future. Sometimes its easy for me to think, "Why would my Heavenly Father do this to me?"i have just finally been accepted into the Music Dance Theatre major at BYU, and now your taking it all away? But i know that everything happens for a reason, and from trail comes strength. Or at least telling myself that i "know" that now i hope will help. I love my Heavenly Father, he must be doing this for a reason. i just hope that i will be able to sing as i used to.

So something good happened this week also....

i have been searching for a job for almost a month now with no success. not even one interview. as i was driving to pick up my brother from school one day, i drove by a dance studio and got this feeling that i should go in there. i thought "none of those places are hiring, theres no point", but i went anyways. when i walked in i immediately got offered a job! the dance studio also runs a theatre company, and they needed someone to run their theatre summer camps! and they hired me right on the spot after hearing my background. i am so excited to start a job doing something i love, and that will be good for me this summer.

So, even though life is not to good right now, at least things are happening that are helping me forget. :)

My Favorite Japanese Speaking, Anime Loving Past Roomie

Well... a little birdie told me the most fabulous funny story the other day....

Apparently Japgirl was at FHE at BYU the other day, and decided to share with all of her group how much she hated her roomie, and everything that I entail. One of the comments the birdie relayed to me was that she was so happy that she was moved out of the apartment that houses her NASTY roommate. wait.... excuse me? nasty? who was picking up your rotten blueberries off the floor and watched as you walked all over your imbedded raw hamburger in my rug? oh. thats right. that was me. who never ever cleaned the house once, even though they created the mess? oh, yes i remember. that was you. I just LOVED when you would leave your lougys in the sink and your giant hairballs in the shower. oh and my absolute favorite was your rotten tuna in the fridge and your dishes piled so high in the sink that they overflowed onto the counters. so who would be the nasty one as you so kindly put it? THAT WOULD BE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

oh, so also another little diddy Japgirl said was "Im so glad that i can room with my best friends and not someone i hate". well you know what Japgirl, thank heaven for that, have fun in your amine infested house without your personal maid. hahahahaha.

AMEN.

Trains, Planes, and Automobiles

Well... lets recap since the last little diddy.

First, schools done. I NEVER HAVE TO SEE MY CRAZY ROOMATE AGAINNNNNN. yesssss. but as good as school ending was... that meant i had to drive home. TEN HOURS. its not really that bad, but i was so tired, i was on the verge on falling asleep every time i took the wheel. deffinately highlight of the trip was my crazy roadtrip partner... my mother. she decided that it was absolutely halarious to jump out and scare me every time.... everrry time i got out of the bathroom. haha shes such a silly mommy.

Second, i have ridden no planes lately. the end.

Third, me and Trae went on a "date" today to the train museum in downtown sac! it was cute. it was really interesting learning about the history of trains, and Trae is so enthralled with it! after we learned about the trains, we got lunch in old town, went to the candy store, thennnnn little actor to be drama king wanted to have a photo shoot. really? really Trae? your five... and you posed for over a half an hour for my iPhone camera.

well, i love my little baby and his mini-me ways. i have missed him terribly and now i am here for the next four months to torture him to death. yay!

that means im home, alone, bored out of my mind, staring at the wall all day people! be jealous that im out of school in april and no one else is. my life is SO entertaining.

love you all! as some foreign people somewhere say, ciao.

Apt 295 is a small Japanese village.

Great news people: i live in Japan! what you say? how can Taryn live in a far away country? i thought she was in utah in apt #295, Wyview Park, 2122 N 120W, Provo, UT, 84604????? well, joyously, greatfully, amazingly, my ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE, LOVING, MOST FAVORITIST ROOMATE OF ALL TIME has turned my apartment into a japanese infested cest pit. This lovely conference weekend i was able to watch three conference sessions in my living room. (the other one i actually went to!!) Lucky for me Sarah (my roomate) was able to invite one of her friends (what????) to watch it with us! this friend.... is EXACTLY like sarah. she came to my apartment in a kimono (SP?), hair in a bun, walking in little waddling steps.

then, sarah and japanese girl continued to watch conference while folding origami objects and speaking in Japanese. this went on for about EIGHT hours. after conference, they continued to watch a church movie in Japanese, while drawing anime (japanese cartoon) people and discussing their latest Japanese comic books they have read.

As if it couldnt get worse, my adorable precious roomie just LOVES to make the biggest, nastiest mess she can and NEVER clean it up. so as she was filling up the sink, burning things on the stove, and trashing the living room, i got to sit and try to feel the spirit. Luckily Antony came down and visited me this weekend so he kept me from total insanity.

Lets continue with my Japanese apt becuase trust me.... it does not stop there.

The other night, Sarah's beau (lets call him... Japboy). Well Japboy is just perfect for Sarah... our little Japgirl. Japboy served his mish in Japan, has a blonde bowl cut, and ALWAYS, and i mean always, wears sunglasses inside. every time he comes over, they discuss anime characters as if they were real and talk in the language of the Japs. So, the other night, Japboy burned a Japanese film for Japgirl. He brought it over and they watched it. I was making my absolutely gorgeous cake in the kitchen and was watching the Japcouple as i was doing so. this movie was totally against Japgirls standards... and at one point the Japanese man walked into a porn shop and the camera voomed into a pair of womans breasts. Sarah just sat that awkwardly. (funny how she will walk out while me and Kristen watch the Hannah Montana movie, but not with this)

Japgirl and Japboy will probably get married soon... and create a plethera of Japbabies.

Let me just say... i am nice to Japgirl. Im never outwardly rude... but i will be VERY happy when i move out in 2 weeks.

My Poor Feet

Dear Feet,

please don't die. i need you. even though i must wake at 8am to dance every morning this week and stay after I'm done with classes and keep dancing does not mean you can fail me now!

i am so very tired this week. i have to do makeups for some of the classes i have missed so i am dancing even more than usual! Im just waiting until Saturday when i can get on a plane and head of to sunny lovely Cancun! im going with my family for a few days and am SO excited!

Speaking of vacations, I was able to fly home this weekend and see my lovely family and some of my great friends! i forgot that it was spring break for most schools this week so i got to see my bestie Allie and Ant! i also saw Laur and Cellebell. i love them all so very much.

i was so nice to go home where it isnt freezing and brown and ugly. i didnt realize how truly beautiful Loomis was until now! i want to go home so badly! just tryin to get through these last 3 weeks of school!

im so thankful for my family and that i got to see them last weekend and get to see this this weekend too! they are what make me truly happy!

My Mommy

Dearest Momsicle,

lets pretend like you didn't cry when you read my last post and talk about how much you love me!

my mommy loves me SOOOO much. she has always been there for me through everything.

my mommy supports me in all my endeavors, and has always given me the best.

my mommy is like superwoman, she gets everything done with time to spare.

my mommy is my shopping buddy. we have the same style and i cant go shopping without her!

my mommy tells me the truth. she helps me improve and strive for greatness every day.

my mommy is spiritual. she is always an example to me and had such a strong testimony.

my mommy is funny. i love when she gets punchy and laughs at EVERYTHING :)

my mommy is loving. she will let me cry on her shoulder when i need her.

my mommy is driven. she sets goals and gets things done.

my mommy is caring, forever worrying about her children's happiness.

my mommy is my best friend. there is no one else like her :)

mommy... i love you. im so sorry i made you sad. im not just writing this blog because you want me to, i am writing it because i want everyone to know how truly amazing and wonderful you really are. i love you so much. you help me make it through the cloudy days!

love you mommy!!!!!

The Boys in My Life

There are some very important people in my life... and most of them are the boys in my life! i love them so much.

First of all, my Daddy.

I love him more than words can say. Even though we aren't super talkative with each other all the time, we are two in the same, and he understands me better than anyone else in my family i think. Whenever in frustrated or sad, he knows just what to say to make me feel better, and i love him so so much.

Tanner.

LOVE MY BRO!!! we fought so much when we were younger, but not anymore! haha going to high school with him for a year was really bonding for us i think, and i love hanging out with him. i miss him so much here at school, which is surprising to me. i love him with all my heart.

Trae.

baby. my sweet adorable little bro! who is five now. and HUGE. he is always so smiley and makes me so so happy! i love when he cuddles with me and gives me cute little eskimo kisses. he is my life and i think about him so much, i just want to give him a hug. :( i want to see him!

Antony.

love of my life! we have been inceperable since i was 15. there is no question that he knows EVERYTHING about me and is the person i come to for everything. he knows me soul, and i know his. he will always be my best friend, forever.

Last but not least, Jaron!

my little jar :) he is my bestie here at BYU. We just met last semester, but were totally inseparable! he hang out EVERY DAY! and are the exact same person, so we gets along super well :) i love him! i can talk to him about anything, and just be silly and have a blast with him all the time!! we will be friends for a very long time im sure. were gonna be Broadway stars together!

I love all of these boys. they are what keep me going in life... and i dont think they realize how much they mean to me! i love you all!

Utah is Retarded

Dear Utah,

please have normal weather! you tease me with your random warm days and then i wake up to random blizzards! no! today is cold and windy... and i hate it! i miss my California sun :(.

Let talk about this wierd state that is Utah.

not that im a sinner...but sometimes you just have to grab something on a Sunday you know? lets just talk about how EVERYTHING is shut down. i thought this was a myth. no my friends... this is real. very real. and on every other day everything shuts down at like 8. 8pm!?!?! i am a college student Utah! we stay up into the wee hours of the night. if Provo was smart, they would keep things open late. Becuase then their revenue would tripple! by me alone! especially FroYo.

oh FroYo. what? yummy fozen yogurt deliciousness with amazing fruit and chocolate morsels that are heaven to your tastebuds? MY NEW FAVORITE OBSESSION. if i had an endless amount of money, i would eat this every single day. bad enough as it is i get it like once a week. eek! even though its snowing outside, i cant get enough of the yumminess! love love love.

So... i guess Utah has one good trait. its frozen yogurt chains. and thats it. NOTHING MORE.

Por Que?

haha i don't even know if i spelled that right....

well. because i am very unoriginal i decided to make a blog! but mostly because EVERYONE has them here and i'm sick of not joining in on this cult group thing... so. yes.

I guess since i am starting this blog i should post some things about myself. I recently got accepted into the Music Dance Theatre program at BYU and i'm SO stoked! it is such a relief to finally be in this program that i love so much, and to be able to pursue my dream! i have a lovely family that have supported me from the get-go and i love them for it so much!

i hope this blog thing works out... heres to tryin!